Chris

May 9, 2008 | Filed Under Main |

I don’t usually talk about my son out here. He’s a teenager and he might get… upset. But he has assured me that he does not read this page because blogs are – and I quote – “gay”. Whether he meant just homosexual or full-on nelly, he did not specify. So, let’s talk about him behind his back.

I miss him. I miss Kerry and the dog too, of course. But I miss Chris and in a number of ways. He had a performance last weekend with the dance group (yes- dance) at school. This is the second year he performed with this group. Last year he was doing Justin Timberlake moves to a pop song and was amazingly good. This year – they did a scene from “Guys & Dolls”.

And I missed it. Which may not seem like a big deal, but I don’t remember missing ANY other moment like that in his life. I was the weekend parent, so I have been with him at every basketball game, baseball game, and birthday party. His class trip to Philadelphia. I took him to his first concert (a story unto itself). We go camping – both when he was in Boy Scouts and later with friends. Every Easter (since his mom was working) we would go down to the Keansburg amusement park. I’ve taken him for really bad haircuts! We’ve gone to Broadway together and we’ve seen Tom Waits in concert. We’ve traveled by car, bus, train, plane and boat.

I think – for awhile, at least – that time might be passed. And it’s not just because I am thousands of miles away. That distance will cause me to miss camping this summer and the Warped Tour and events like the other night. But mainly… it may just be time. Time for him to not be chaperoned. To not have his parents watching him every second. Time for him to do it on his own.

And that SUCKS… for me.

Don’t get me wrong. He still pisses me off. Often. For one, he is officially taller than I am. For two… he is so unfocused. Why doesn’t he want something? You know, have a need, have a want that obsesses. For me it was theater. Others – sports or cars or music or… whatever. Something that causes you to always talk about that one thing to the point of annoyance of everyone around you. The wanting is what propels you in life. I wish desperately for him to have that want.

When I get home in a few weeks, I will see Chris graduate from high school – the end to a long, torturous ordeal for everyone. And whether he walks down the aisle or not, I’m still going to be proud. And happy to be there.

share: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.